Why So Sarious?

“Bioware cracks me up. Their writing is so great, so deep, until you get to the romance options, at which point they reveal themselves to be autistic neckbeards. I was having a deep conversation with Thane about the death of his wife and son, and then suddenly my own reply option was “I want you.” …lolwut? The female voice actress suddenly goes from strong and confident to weird confused slut, like she’s trying to do lusty without having a clue how to. It’s weird shit.”

-FeralSheWolf, a Youtube commenter with a VERY VERY GOOD POINT.

I too was kind of weirded out at some of the romance dialogue options that showed up at the most awkward of times. In fact, watching romance scenes play out is just an awkward ‘what the hell is going on please stop’ moment in of itself. For all of the great plot writing and character development… we get random “What about casual sex?” type options to reply to characters pouring their hearts out to our respective Sheps.

Oh, and my personal favorite is when Kelly is talking about wanting to give Garrus a hug, and one of Shepard’s awkward responses is, “I could use that hug, Kelly.” Like. Really? Really? I like to pretend my Shepard is smooth as they come. It just seems so out of place and you can tell even the voice actors felt weird saying those lines, which only adds to the awkwardness of the entire scene. 

What’s even more embarrassing (amusing?), however, is asking your crew members if they want to have a heart to heart conversation and they basically tell you they don’t have time for your pansy ass and to come back at another time. Has Shepard always been this horrifyingly awkward? It seems more obvious in Mass Effect 2.

And this does, I would think, explain why Shepard doesn’t get any action unless the world is about to end. No time to talk and be awkward, just wham bam thank you ma’am before everyone is about to die. 

“I’m awkward. We’re probably going to die soon. Wanna have sex?”

“Please?”

“Now?”

“Alrighty then.”